Whilst it is, I know, open to debate, (and before the woke brigade got all busy) when sorting out gender characteristics, some bright spark assigned the hunter-gatherer/provider role to the male and the nurturer/affection provider role to the female. Do feel free to argue about this amongst yourselves if you feel inclined.
In the main, boys, I mean, full-on proper boys, with all their dangly bits in the right place at the right time, were fussed over from the get-go by their lovely mums, and there is usually always an unbreakable bond between a son and his mum.
Yes, he might have felt like swerving the spit on her hanky at times, from rubbing into his grubby face, but hey, it showed she cared.
But once a boy finds his long-term female partner, his Mum moves down in the pecking order of life, and so it makes sense that inevitably, she is replaced in her caring role, by his new love.
So boy meets girl. Not the type of boy meets girl scenario that may occur in a bar, fuelled by many shots and a spliff, and she is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen… but then later after a further 3-minute fumble up a dark alley, well, she’s not quite so ‘beautiful’ anymore.
The boy meets girl for the long haul is something entirely different, subconsciously, he’s choosing his next nurturer.
Then one night, out on the town, there SHE is. She has lovely shiny hair, just enough make-up, kissable lips and she smells bloody gorgeous!
Everything about her is in proportion, lovely tits, curves in all the right places. Fabulous legs, pert little bum, and he just loves those heels she’s wearing. He thinks, she’s sexy as F*ck!
She even talks nicely, laughs at his jokes and she’s giving him the glad eye too. This one is no slapper, he can tell. She’s not one-night-stand material, and after all, he should know, he’s had enough.
To be fair to him, he’s a bit of a looker himself. Been to the gym, and got himself looking a bit hench. He’s no stranger to a shade cut, wet shave, and a wander around Prada.
He looks good and smells good, he’s a popular lad amongst the ladies. They’ve both struck lucky, two beautiful people, making a lovely couple.
Fast forward… It’s all gone according to plan and he’s put a ring on it. They are nesting, maxing out the credit card in Homesense, and talking potential baby names. He’s looking after her, bringing in the dosh, taking out the bins, and still pinching her arse whenever he passes her.
She’s looking after him, making him his favourite dinners, and still doing all those little things to him she knows he likes, even if she does get her nails caught in the lacy gloves he loves her to wear. All men have a thing.
So the baby comes along, and as he’s earning shedloads, she doesn’t need to go back to work at the beauty salon. She can stay at home and be a full-time MUM. She has her own son to nurture now.
Before he knows it, the slippery slope has begun. And before he realises it, she no longer has eyes for him.
Now, her lovely shiny hair is always up in a messy bun, perched on top of her head like a bird’s nest. She smells of baby sick, not scent, and lives permanently in black leggings and a hoodie. He hasn’t seen her curves in months, and her sexy strappy shoes have turned into ugly UGGS.
When she’s not cooing over the baby, she’s engrossed in her phone. It’s almost permanently attached to her hand.
She hardly looks up when he gets home, she hardly looks at him at all.
They are now sleeping in separate beds because the baby wakes in the night, and she moans that he snores, anyway. They talk at each other, not to each other. That’s when they talk at all.
In a recent question posted on a social media platform, men were asked what they wished they could change about their wives. It made sad reading, but there was a common theme running through the answers.
I wish my wife would put her phone down. I wish my wife would make an effort for me like she used to. I wish my wife noticed me as much as our baby. I wish my wife would let me kiss her. I wish we still went on date nights. I wish she looked after herself more. I wish she wore different clothes sometimes. My wife cuddles the dog more than me.
Does this sound like you? Could you be guilty of neglecting yourself, and your man? These ‘wishes’ don’t sound too unrealistic. They are not the demands of men who don’t realise their wife is now a mother, that she may be tired, or overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood.
No, they don’t seem like selfish men, to me, just neglected men. And anyone who feels neglected, often finds someone else to make them feel cherished. In the immortal words of singer Rag’n’Bone man, there’s more than a touch of ‘don’t put the blame on me’
If you are a young Mum, it goes without saying that you’ve got a thousand and one things to deal with, but don’t lose sight of why and how you got together with your man in the first place. Don’t risk losing your relationship, just because you’ve become too tired or complacent to make an effort to please him. After all, he’s not looking for all your attention, but he would like some.
Just because you know he snores, farts after a curry, and always leaves the loo seat up, that doesn’t mean that every other pretty girl will be viewing him through the same critical eyes as yours. The truth is, you will never find a bloke who won’t irritate you in some way. And what about you? Do you consider yourself perfect?
Remember, it wasn’t too long ago that his drop-dead gorgeous smile made you go weak at the knees. Don’t risk him having the same effect on anyone else. Put him back at the top of YOUR list, where he belongs.
This post was kindly written by Jane at stupidlemon.com